My Uniquely Unoriginal Life: Love, Hate, and the Art of Being Fake (Paperback)

My Uniquely Unoriginal Life: Love, Hate, and the Art of Being Fake By Shauna Ellejay Cover Image

My Uniquely Unoriginal Life: Love, Hate, and the Art of Being Fake (Paperback)

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Hi, I'm Shauna.

I found out I'm neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, OCD, cPTSD) at 40-years old and my entire world was flipped upside down. I've been reprocessing my life since then.

Growing up unknowingly hyperlexic and hyperverbal, reading, talking, and creativity were a primary outlet and way for me to naturally regulate myself. Between trauma and a lack of understanding of my neurodivergence, I stifled a lot of my voice - literally and on paper.

I was ingrained with the idea that I was supposed to suppress my creative urges; my energy should be focused on things that are "worthwhile," which - spoiler alert - was code for financially valuable in "traditional" ways.

For the last few years, I've been working on breaking this down and apart in the name of finding balance and being truly happy.

I was also supposed to "be nice" and take the higher road and hide (emotional) dysregulation and overlook trauma from people who "just didn't know better"... well, that wasn't working for me either.

This type of creative writing has been, in many ways, my final destination. This has been my biggest fear because of the vulnerability of some of the writing, but has also been pivotal in this reprocessing journey.

Oh, and the most important thing I've learned throughout this healing journey is that sometimes you have to go really far back in order to truly move through - and past.

So without further adieu, let's get into it...

What's in here?
Part poetry, part random writing; some stream of consciousness, and some of it is well-thought out; some love, some hate, and the art of being fake - it's a real mixed bag in here. The pieces are in no particular order. I'm not trying to tell a story or weave things together with coherence... this reflects the chaos that is my brain of blurred lines.

You may want to read this if you can relate to the following:
  • learning that what's "wrong" with you is not "wrong" but a different brain - and reprocessing your entire with this new knowledge
  • existential isolation, loneliness, depression, and despair
  • ruminating on abandonment, heartbreak, unrequited love, and lack of closure
  • gaslighting, betrayal, and toxic relationships
  • grief
  • grief over gaslighting, betrayal, and toxic relationships
  • realizing you have a lot of trauma
  • realizing you did a lot of traumatizing
  • anger (... a lot of anger - with no shame)
  • perpetually underestimated and misunderstood outcast
  • people-pleaser who rarely receives reciprocity
  • former "gifted" kid turned burnt out neurodivergent
  • maladaptive daydreaming for survival
  • a life of invalidated emotions and feeling invisible yet constantly perceived
  • being your own worst enemy and biggest hype-person
  • the ones you trusted most ended up hurting you most
  • a distaste for societal norms and the ultra-wealthy
  • men are terrifying
  • your authenticity and deconstruction journey combined with sense of justice has weeded a lot of people out of your life
Please consider this a warning for all the trigger warnings.

I am not censoring curse words. I also talk about heavy topics in a very uncensored manner including things like suicidal ideation, body dysmorphia, etc. If these topics may cause you any additional distress,
please do not read this book
Product Details ISBN: 9798875685293
Publisher: Independently Published
Publication Date: January 15th, 2024
Pages: 180
Language: English